“Act Like A Lady”
The Double-Edged Sword of “Acting Like a Lady” and How Traditional Expectations of Femininity Can Limit Self-Expression and Individuality.
For most of my life, I've grappled with the concept of being a "lady." From childhood to adulthood, the label has followed me, sometimes praised, sometimes questioned. "Oh, you're such a lady," they would say, and I'd wonder what that meant. Was it about how I dressed, how neatly I kept my clothes, or perhaps my reserved demeanour? I’m not sure. I wonder if I was still a lady even through my tomboy phase, or when I posted pictures on social media that might’ve been “too much” for some people, or when I would voice my opinion when people would be used to me responding differently or not at all?
But what truly defines a lady?
Reflecting on these questions, I realized that the concept of being a "lady" had constrained me more than it liberated me. It seemed to dictate how I expressed myself; it meant suppressing the parts of myself that didn't fit the mould, what I wore, and even how loudly I laughed. It meant censoring my actions on social media and toning down my personality in certain settings, all to fit into a box defined by others. Society’s narrow definition often clashed with my desire for authenticity and self-expression.
As a recovering people-pleaser, reflecting on this really frustrated me because I started to think that maybe people thought I was so lady-like, perhaps because I never did the things that other girls/women did that were deemed unladylike, without knowing that so many times I admired how free and unapologetic those girls were.
I've realized that being a lady isn't about conforming to outdated norms. It's about embracing authenticity and celebrating the diversity of feminine expression.
It's the girl who laughs loudly, her joy echoing through corridors, infectious and unrestrained.
It's the girl who challenges authority, demanding justice and equality—a voice for change.
It's the girl with bold opinions, unapologetically expressing herself without dilution.
It's the emotional girl, freely shedding tears that express the depths of her emotions.
It's the girl who dances fiercely and freely, defying gravity and societal expectations.
It's the girl who climbs trees, reaching for the sky with fearless determination.
It's the girl who enjoys food with gusto, savouring each bite without apology.
It's the girl who dresses as she pleases, adorned in confidence, defying societal standards.
Yet, despite these realizations, the journey to self-acceptance hasn't been without its challenges. In spaces like churches, corporate environments, certain cultural contexts, and so many other spaces, the pressure to conform still lingers. There's an unspoken expectation to be "ladylike"—to not venture beyond the boundaries of what is deemed acceptable behaviour for women. It's a delicate balance between honouring tradition and embracing personal freedom, which often requires navigating societal judgements and self-imposed limitations.
But through it all, I've learned a valuable lesson: true liberation comes from God and within. It's about letting go of the need for external validation and embracing the person I was authentically created to be. It's about finding strength in vulnerability, beauty in imperfection, and power in self-expression.
I’ve learned that being my feminine self is beautiful as long as it is according to what God wants of me and my terms, but the person I was created to be should in no way shrink or tone myself down simply to please others. Even within certain boundaries, I believe God wants what's best for me.
In the pursuit of being "ladylike," many of us find ourselves caught in a cycle of people-pleasing that can be exhausting. The pressure to conform to societal expectations of femininity often demands constant vigilance over appearance, behaviour, and speech. It’s a balancing act of smiling just enough, speaking softly but not too timidly, and occupying physical and emotional spaces that are deemed appropriate.
This relentless effort to fit into a narrow mould of what it means to be a "lady" can drain one’s energy and authenticity. It becomes a performance where genuine thoughts and feelings are sometimes sacrificed in favour of maintaining an outward appearance of grace and poise. The toll of this constant adherence to expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a loss of self-identity.
I encourage you to break free from these confines and make room for the discovery of a more authentic self, made in His image AND likeness, one that values personal expression and individuality over societal norms.